It was unimaginable how losing a son could bring you happiness more than you ever thought despite the pain more than you could ever feel. Eleven days after we laid him to rest I don’t know what to do with my life. I don’t know how to deal with the agonizing moments when all I could wish for is the hope that it’s over. Every moment missing him was unbearable. How could I ever go through it?
There was a great need within to get in touch with him again and there’s no other way except to write hoping he will hear what I am trying to say and it did. I told him how difficult it was absorbing the thoughts that he would never be here anymore, this is crazy and I do not know what to do. I just want him around. I never know that those daily conversations with him in my pen will lead me into a deeper understanding of life, love, parenting and of one of the most devastating disease that had been around since the beginning of time, alcoholism.
The writing brings me to a place I would always want to go ever since I was young. A place where I can be so true to myself without fear and where I found comfort and hope enough to carry on and pick up the pieces again.
Many times, God’s gift is wrapped in difficulties and pain. I’ve seen it once more with what happen to my son and what it made me become. I was able to see how God protects him from all hidden dangers, how this life meant not a thing compared to what he prepared for us, why it was necessary to focus on the things that really matter and why love needs to be expressed at all circumstances of our life.
This is where I found myself writing. ❤ ❤ ❤