I was 28 when I realized I was having an identity crisis, with four kids around. I thought it was too late. Although during teenage life I had periods of wondering who I am uncertain if I answered that question. I realized the crisis of knowing who we are is not confined only to a particular stage but on various points throughout life.
When I was young, I used to believe I don’t measure up. My sister next to me was always far more beautiful than I am. I inherently believe that I could not measure up to her likability. Probably I was already sending the message that nobody will like me that time. It was the belief I created for myself after being sexually molested. It was also the message I received from people around us when we were always being compared.
I grow up believing I am not worthy, I am not deserving of anybody’s love and I am dirty. This kind of self-indoctrination is common among sexually abused children which I just found out later in life. My identity was shaped around by those painful experiences and interactions with the people around me.
And because they were lies, the crisis arises. I pretended to be clean during high school, a mask that was more than a blessing because it saved me from promiscuity. I never had boyfriends in high school for the fear of being found out dirty. I am so afraid because I know guys will never like me once they found the real me. I went to college feeling the same until I met my husband.
His unconditional love challenge the way I believe about myself. For the first time, I felt accepted for who I really am; the flaws, the undeservingness, unworthiness, and the pretensions. I don’t know how he made it. But the challenges never end there. There are deep rooted definitions of myself that I validated in one way or the other.
The belief that I am a shame was affirmed on the constant choices and dealings with my finances. I almost destroy the family I keep because of the financial chaos I got myself into. I lost some good friendship and hurt the people I care the most because of this. I lost my credibility to many people and institution and find it too difficult to start after several financial setbacks. Everything was a result of how I define myself from deep within.
The stubborn belief that I will never have the crisis if I don’t need it leads me to a deeper understanding of myself and the people around me. It made me realized that the definition I have was not true after all. The reality is that I am created good for a purpose and I am loved by my Maker, the same thing with the people around me. We are all inherently good and loved.
Everything that happened in my life in the past is not a waste because they will be used in my life’s greatest purpose to which my strongest identity will emerge. Therefore, to all those who are in crisis, I am throwing a big shout to choose a better definition of who you are, it can be done.
Thank you. So glad i found your site.
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Thank you Charly. My husband was in the police service also (before we got married) kaya lang sa police sya assign sa Quezon. Nasa Tagbilaran kami last year, we attended a youth conference with our kids. I’m happy to meet you also 🙂
Aui
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This is such an inspirational post! I love your writing style, it’s so honest ! 😊😍
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Thank you so much 🙂
Aui
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I enjoy the way you write, Aui. It is honest, profound and heartfelt.
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Thank you!
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You’re welcome
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🙂
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From the moment I read your first article, I we shared a lot. I also grew up feeling inadequate. I grew up in a neighborhood where true love was rare, child molestation was common, high poverty levels and a lot of obstacles. After facing a lot of challenges involving self identity, self-confidence and self empowerment I have decided to give the law of attraction a chance in my life. Being a firm believer of the Bible, I believe some of Jesus’ teachings are basically encouraging to live positively, take one step at a time, not to be overly anxious about the future but be contented, happy and hopeful. I have started scaling higher in my life’s goals and my life is better, more joyful and just amazingly great. I now believe that we create our realities; its not life’s realities that define us.
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It’s good to know we are on the same kind of journey. The choices is always ours 🙂
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Brava to you! An inspirational post, although it must have taken courage to write. I was raised on low self-esteem, and so I try too, to share words of inspiration in my books and posts to let others know there is always a way to rise above, and a chance to learn to love yourself. 🙂
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Thank you. I’m happy to know we share the same thought on so many things 🙂
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Indeed we do. 🙂
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🙂
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Wonderfully inspiring!
Thanks for sharing your story. I can totally identify with some of the identity issues. I too had low self-esteem as a kid and had to move away from home to find myself. But like you said, these experiences, though horrible, can be used for greater good. They force us to build character and sharing your our experience helps others to see they are not alone.
Best wishes on your journey. Hugs. 🌷
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Hugs back to you! Lets have each others hand on this journey 🙂
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Absolutely! Long journeys somehow seem easier with company. ☺
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Yah and more fun than doing it alone 🙂
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by the way may I know the theme you use on your site? They’re good.
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Sure. It’s the Baskerville Theme. Good luck ☺
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Ah ok. Thanks. I bought my own domain name and working out on the themes. It’s mind boggling! so many to choose from and I am not very well on the tech.
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It’s ok. Happy to help. ☺
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