On my bucket list, this article is the one I cannot understand the reason why. Probably because the part of the brain that controls it cannot create words out of the experience. I will just try to write something in the language that can only be express by the heart. And here is what I’ve got:
Was it because he came into this world fifteen years ahead of mine and younger generations had the tendency to believe in the older ones? I don’t think so. I know a lot of gray-haired people whom you cannot trust a single moment. But it was because he possesses the wisdom given only to those who have the ability to keep quiet and be still especially in the midst of trouble.
He knows me more than I do. His thorough understanding of himself made it easy for him to see human nature for what they are and what they are not. He was like a mirror where I saw the reflection of who I am. How can you not believe in someone who made you see and accept yourself for what you really are?
He knows where we are going and he knew that there will be a vehicle coming by. This was the first experience of trust I had in him. It was a late night date and I was so afraid there would be no available transportation for him to bring me home. (I had no experience of going out late then). He keeps reassuring me on my panic mode and just a few minutes later, a kind of bus I had only seen for the first time came by. In our 25 years of marriage, he always made it clear where our family should be heading.
He made me trust in the God of his understanding. This was the most difficult part because I grow up believing that everything relies on me. In the midst of difficulties and impossibilities, his life made it clear to me that God is the one in charge and He takes care of everything. How can I doubt?
He always tells me to trust the process and more will be revealed. I don’t understand much about those words before. Trusting the process as we go along the roller coaster ride made more sense. And by doing so, I got to see a lot about life and myself I had never imagined before.
He knows the power of love and he believes it can conquer all. He made me understand the meaning of unconditional love by loving me for who I am including all the flaws and the suspense of what was being revealed. More than that, he helps me love myself and all. It is impossible to doubt someone who made me feel secure in his love.
He let me see the courage I have when I am losing in the struggle. He makes it easier for me to have faith in myself when I was full of doubt about my abilities and the world I live in. His kindness shows me the inherent goodness I have within when all else failed. How can you not believe?
His honesty encourages me to reveal part of myself I would rather keep buried. He keeps telling me we are sick as our secret. In our early years of marriage, I was like an onion being peeled and the more I expose the darkest part of me the more I find healing. It became difficult to keep living in lies about myself when I feel that I will be accepted no matter what.
His strength cannot be seen by the visible eyes but by the character he builds despite his weaknesses. He was strong on his convictions and on building his family’s life. My desire to be with him was not only for pleasure and fun but for the security of God’s promises coming true. Where else will I go?
Well, several times in fear I doubted the directions he was giving me and have it my way. But I will always go back to him because, in the end, my conclusion was always “I should have listened to him.”
My hands are limited to the vocabulary in my mind.There will never be enough words I could write why I believe him because as I said there is language that can only be express by the heart. And that could also be the reason why I love him everyday more than I could say!