We are worthy

Being dirty, the belief that I am not deserving of anybody’s love and that nobody will like me once they see the real me is a constant thought I keep during teenage life. I never knew before that those were the natural results of being molested at a young age.  Meeting people who have gone through the same made me realized that this feeling of unworthiness is common among us. Something that is difficult to unlearn.

 

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We are more than our body

 

All the while I thought I am my body and since I viewed it as dirty, ugly and flawed I never came to love it. It was the validation of what I believe about me. Until I found out that this body is not everything about me.It is only a container of what I really am which will come to pass sooner or later. The only thing that will remain is the content which is the spirit that lives within me.It will never die.

 

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It is not our fault and even if it is, it’s ok

 

A human being made mistakes and that is normal. The ones who molested us are people who were just like us, a creature of a loving God made with a purpose. We may not be able to see or to benefit from the experience right away but as we go along in this journey and if we are open, we will be able to see how those experiences shape us and make us the person we are now. We can make it better or we can make it bitter, the choice is ours.

 

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We are loved no matter what

 

It was something difficult to understand because of the inherent sense of unworthiness we have in ourselves. Often times we equate love with a feeling, with our body and with everything distorted. It had been a real struggle for me knowing how I am loved and if I can. I don’t know where it begins and what I did right, but I came across a loving person who showed me that I am loved no matter what. It was true all along, it just didn’t make sense before.

 

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Healing is possible

 

I cannot count the night I sleep in tears wishing everything was over pleading to God that if I will not be better, might as well get me. Every morning is like hearing His voice telling me “You are healed today, otherwise I won’t wake you up.” He gives me daily circumstances to which I can measure how far I have gone on this journey and how my own wounds could be used for others recovery. Healing is a daily grace happening moment by moment.

 

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