I cannot stand watching the tribute to the Philippine soldiers and police loss on the Marawi City clashes. My heart was aching for them and for the families who are now going through a pain beyond compare. I felt the same while hearing stories from the victims of Resorts World Manila attack a few days ago.
And a few days from now I will be remembering the most devastating pain I’ve gone through four years ago. I cannot even imagine nor think about how I ever made it to this day. The fact that I cannot stand watching someone else facing what I’ve gone through made me wonder if I am aching for them more than I am aching for myself.
Surviving a loss of a loved one is one of the life’s most difficult tasks. There is no way we can think of preparing for it neither escape from it. Each one of us in our lifetime will face a loss of a loved one with lesser or greater intensity. It is a fact we always choose to ignore.
But when it comes knocking at our door there is no other way but to face it squarely. Easier said than done, I know. But what else is there to do? Cry, scream, kick, get lost and come back. That’s how I survive losing JC. People, friends, and family no matter how they love us will go; they have their own life to live. We will be left with our own recourse.
I never knew before I loss JC that I have a reservoir of courage within necessary to battle with the pain and sorrow I was going through. I guess every one of us had a built in container inside from which we can gather strength we never knew there is. It is a matter of tapping that source on a daily basis. I find mine by writing. I write every heartache, every pain, every tear and everything on my journal after losing him.
There is no series of steps like most people believe that we can make use of to end the grieving. I am not also sure if it ever did. What I am sure of is, we can learn to live with it and somehow make the most out of it. Death is a giver of life and nothing really dies.
Living life moment by moment is the best way to survive a loss, for those you still have around. It is while they were still with us that we prepare to lose them. Sounds crazy, isn’t it? Why am I saying this? Because when you lose a loved one the most dreadful feelings you will be facing is the regrets and the guilt of what you have not done and done unkind.
So the best way of losing what was left is to love them while they are still with us. This knowledge is the best gift we can have from those we lose. Be present, be kind, and be mindful of the moments. Forgive a lot. Hug more.
Happy memories, while they were still around, will be another source of strength in facing our storm. Now is the time to create more reservoirs of the good things we will need sooner or later. Let’s be wise, there’s no other way.