We understand the apprehensions of the disciples from the Jewish authorities’ right after Jesus crucifixion. The pain inflicted to their Saviour made them anxious of being identified with Him right after His death. Of course, they were afraid of getting hurt that may cause their lives. At this point they have no one to turn on to, they knew Jesus was dead and hiding behind locked doors sounds very human.
That kind of fear inhabits my soul many times in the past and once in a while these days. Being hurt is one of the things I avoided at all cost. It scared me to death. I do not know if it has something to do with the bolo accident I had when I was a child that almost cut my right arm into two. The big scar of several stitches behind this arm which never fades is always a reminder of a childhood fear and pain I’ve gone through.
The fear of getting hurt is one of the most dangerous feelings that always lead me into trouble on top of many other fears. But who would want to be hurt? Unless you’re a masochist. And I know I am not, the reason why I am so anxious about it. I do not want myself or anybody else to hurt me. But many times, these were the things I got myself into.
That is one of the paradoxes of this life; we attract what we are most afraid of. I’m sure psychologist can explain this very well. What then can we do about that?
I was once asking God, “Why do you have to make my struggle this long and this difficult”
“You have all the power and if you want to, You can just remove it right away and make me ok”
I was like a teenage spoiled brat asking her father for the things she cannot grasp. Until my thought goes to His only Son.
“Do you see that?” God seems talking to me.
“Do you understand the pain my only Son goes through?”
“I could just have made that so easy for Him as well, why not?”
BUT and here’s the big BUT:
“My words have to come true”
“His suffering, His pain, His death and His rising to life happens for the scripture to be true and for all of you to understand what it is to love and to live here and the hereafter. No other way but His cross.”
“Remember, I never tell lies” God whispers in my mind.
Yes, God never tells lies.
And when He said “peace be with you” He really means it.
So why be afraid? Why be afraid of getting hurt?
Romans 8:28 says “in all things God works for good with those who love Him, those whom He has called according to his purpose”
At the wake of my son, I was asking the Lord “how can this pain be for our good?”
“Do you mean the death of my son is for our own good, not only for us but for my son as well? Because You said in ALL things as in ALL. Is that so? How can this pain be for our own good?”
It took sometimes before I was able to realize the truth of this verse. It was a question mark before, but as we all know, God never lies.
Finding the meaning of eternal life after losing my son was the most beautiful gift I got from the pain of losing him. That was beyond my wildest imagination. Both his coming and leaving to this world gave me unimaginable pain and joy that I would never find anywhere else. God works for good in all things, how can I refuse to believe?
How many times did we fall and get hurt when were learning how to walk, how to ride a bike and how to fall in love? Isn’t the heartbreak that we felt many times over leads us to a better understanding of ourselves and our life as a whole? walking and biking included. No pain no gain!
When the disciples saw Jesus hands and sides they were filled with joy because they were reminded not of the pain but the truth of what He says to them. That is what pains gives us in the long run when we do not lose hope. When we forgive ourselves and those people and circumstances that caused us pain we only not find joy but peace as well.
(inspired musings from John 20:19-23)