People wanting to end their lives especially among the young spreads like the flu. How could that be? We used to be happy people. Where can you see videos of young and old alike having fun swimming in the flood but in the Philippines? Yet the once cheerful and funny soul now succumbs to the thoughts of ending their lives. Why???
Was it the book they read, the food they take, the environment and community they belong, the movie they watch or the genes where they come from? What was it about the thought of ending one’s life that makes it so attractive among the hopeless and the helpless? Aside from chemical imbalances in the brain, could it be the thought of relief?
I am alarm with the number of students I encountered who had thoughts of committing suicide in the past. Their reasons varied from being bullied at school, feeling unloved by their parents, sibling rivalry and some other things that I never realized before I knew them.
I was mistaken in the belief that the feeling of wanting to die is common only to those who have undergone some traumatic experiences during childhood like molestation, or by those who felt depressed due to substances like alcohol or those who have troubles with relationship and finances. I realized my views are far too limited.
We could no longer dispute when the medical people say depression kills because it really does. Statistics and stories shows. In fact, it is also biblical. There’s a story of a king who got depressed and thought his life was near the end when he realized God does not approve of what he did to the Israelite. I cannot remember the exact verse where I read that. This particular king eventually died of depression. Probably the will to live get out of him and he was filled with being sorry for himself. Is this a familiar feeling among those who have thoughts of ending their lives?
I am not free from this feeling of wanting to die every now and then. When I find no hope in getting out of the mess I got myself into, when guilt overwhelms me, when my mind could not grasp any help coming out from somewhere, my natural feeling was to go and leave everything behind. The thought of death seems a reward on instances like that.
My acceptance of the notions that my life could end anytime made me rethink how I would spend the day when thoughts get worst. I cried a lot over the guilt and killed it. I consciously removed all the hatred and revenge I kept inside. I turned over to my Higher Power those things I cannot do. I’m sure He is aware of that. I say a little prayer for everyone I love and hurt the most and then I let go.
If I still cannot gather the strength to do the things which I am supposed to do I rest and then proceed with those that I really love to, like writing this blog. The only thing worthy of the moment. Doing the things we value creates a chemical to combat the imbalances, good thing to remember.
I do not have an all-time solution but I have a momentary action that could last a day if I just focus on the things that really matters to me. A good friend says there are no rains that last for 365 days, this too shall pass. Another thought of relief.
Then I remember again a good story of depression encountered by Saul and David and some other prophets who would want to end their lives when the going gets rough. Stories of how they survive and surpass the most difficult of moments. Memories and action. Remember the good times and do the good things. Easier said than done, I know, but what else is there to do?