I was struggling to write the past few days. It was hard to embrace the commitment to create at least once a week to give it away. This is something familiar because I made a lot of commitment to myself many times in the past.
Right after giving birth to my son, I promise I wouldn’t gain weight. I read a lot of literature on preventing weights and I manage until I lost him. When I was gaining more than I should, I started doing some exercises which lasted for a week. I also worked on my diet but go back to what I used to take a bit later. I continue gaining weight to my heart’s dismay. I stop the exercise and diet plan altogether telling myself I don’t have time to do. I have all the excuse for not doing what I have started.
A few years ago, I work on my finances realizing there was something wrong with the way I handle it. I learned everything I can from selling real estates, investing in money markets, paying my debts, saving and giving. But after a while, I see myself in the same old pattern of dealing with money. I lost some of the investment and made some that brought me to a never-ending chaos.
Writing a blog once a week gives me some sense of accomplishment and a natural good feeling until doing so became a struggle. I keep making titles for my blog post but would not be able to publish any one of them.I remember how I wanted to write a book since time immemorial. I have titles every year and a few pages of them but never finish anything until I lost my son.
The thought of not being able to sustain the good things lingers in my mind for quite sometimes. I thought there must be some wiring in my brain I needed to check. I realized the energy I needed to sustain the struggle to do is the same energy required to do what I needed to. Awareness and discipline where to put the effort is the key.
It was so easy to beat myself up when I think I never do anything right. The writer’s block is not only true in my writing but in my life as well, block in doing the good things. Now I see there are some things I recognized I was doing quite well. At least I write every day in my journal. I just did it after all!