jc-2

‘Don’t know what to tell you. Maybe I should start with those I cannot remember telling you when you were still around. I’m not sure if I let you know how grateful I am for having you. Probably I did, I just cannot recall.

Yep, you freak me out so often but that wouldn’t make me forget you are one of God’s greatest gift to me. I wish I am done letting go of the guilt for all the misgiving I’ve had with you despite saying sorry  many times over. Forgiving myself is not an easy thing to do.

Anyway, the notion that I did my best the way I know is liberating. You just did the same, the best that you know. It was the best you and the best me on the time we were together. How could I change it otherwise?

Today, I just want to celebrate with you. You may not be physically present but I am sure your spirit is just around. The love that we have for each other is something that is eternal, that is what I am sure of. That gives me the reason to smile reminiscing this painful and glorious day twenty-four years back.

The labor pain is too much; I thought that was the worst pain I could ever have in my life. Thanks God, there is c-section. The worst that could happen to me is got addicted to nubain which never did.  I have a very low threshold of pain. I am scared of it. But God takes good care of me.

Twenty-four years later, you made me realize there is more pain unbearable than that. What a kid you are! Your coming and your leaving brought with it both pain and glory beyond my wildest imagination.

You know what? I wish to see you smile again and to make fun with you just the way we used to be. If only every mom knows that they would not want anything in the world but to be with their children when they are gone, they would probably not spoil every moment they still have with their kids.

I do not want to fill my heart with regrets today. I have so much of the premenstrual syndrome this morning to add to the agony of missing you so much. I will just fill my day with all the beautiful thoughts of you.

I know where you are and I know who is taking care of you. I’m sure you are safe. What more can I ask for? I had answered prayers.