1. Allow yourself to cry as much as you can, as often as you want and every time you feel like doing so.
Don’t hold back. Tears connect our shattered soul to the source of strength we never knew we have. The emotional task is overwhelming and crying can be a great tool in going through the ordeal. Scream if you want, punch bag, throw pillows, cry aloud, and know that it is ok.
2. Find ways to express your emotions.
Talk about your feelings and thoughts. Write about it. I’ve seen mothers receiving a tremendous amount of peace after connecting with the child they lose by writing to them. They were able to adjust to their new norms with grace and compassion in a relatively short period. Do something physical that will help your emotions out because they are what burdens us the most.
3. Continue what you are doing before you lose your child.
If it is impossible then find new things to engage with no matter how difficult. You will stumble and fall but keep trying. There are times you wouldn’t want to get out of bed and wish everything is over only to face the fact that it is not. It’s alright. Deal with it moment by moment, one step at a time. Doing something shifts the focus out of the devastation you are going through. Many times by trying to get out and do something for others you will find a new sense of mission and a new way of living.
4. Connect with people who are going through the same.
Read and listen to their stories. I think this had been my greatest tool right after losing JC. I find strength and inspiration from them because I think I got the feeling that these people knew exactly what I am going through and it was a relief. Also, they had become some source of light when then going gets so tough that it feels like I cannot survive the day.
5. Know that it was just their body we lose
Nothing really dies. When we leave this earth, our body goes back to the element where it came from transforming into a new form of being. The hurt and the pain we cause with each other eventually stop because those feelings were only possible on the earthly existence. Love is the only thing that will remain because only love is eternal. Gradually you will realize that you did not lose your child after all.
6. Accept that we do not own them, someone else did
The fact is that JC was just lend to me. I do not own him and his real owner loves him more than I do. I can only be grateful I was given the privilege and time to be able to have him. That’s all I’ve got and the love that remains. This realization made me change the way I deal with his siblings after he left that had become a lot better than it used to be.